A Break...

The Life Shuffle is taking a break from Sunday's Essays. Tune in next week.


And Happy belated Thanksgiving.


Thanks to everyone for listening to my rambling.

Sunday's Essays: He Came, Saw, and Ran Back Into His Hidey Hole

Caveat: this post is going to be somewhat self-important.

* * *

I'm having one of those writer's block episodes that come when you have no idea where to start. Guess it doesn't really matter, the point really is to only establish my queerness (weird, not gay {homosexual, not happy}). I'm kind of just trying to state the problem as best as I can. So...

I'm a quiet man. That's what the majority of the people I've ever met had to say about me, "He's quiet." Or ask me about, "Why are you so quiet?" Yeah, so, I'm quiet. 

My answer to the question of my silence is usually a shoulder shrug, and obviously more silence. Honestly I've never known why. I've always just been quiet. I still have no idea why. Silence becomes me, I guess? I don't know how it started, but frighteningly enough, it became apart of who I was. There's two problems with this: one, being the quiet person probably isn't a good pick for a "defining quality"; and two, quiescence wasn't all that lurked behind my silent mask. 

I remember one time a classmate said he, and I'm paraphrasing because high school feels like a long time ago, "wouldn't be able to take being alone without anyone to talk to." I forget the context--detention, maybe a proposed isolation chamber of some sort--but I remember a vague since of unease as many people agreed with his sentiment because I didn't think I would have that much of a problem with being alone. Like quiet, alone ain't a good way to be. Ever see that episode of King of the Hill when the elderly woman wants to die in the Hill home? or that episode of 30 Rock when Liz Lemmon has to save herself from choking a couple of times (I'm on a 30 Rock kick and I see this show was genius in its progress from inception to now.)? The point is being alone isn't good and it doesn't take the idea of dying alone to get to that conclusion. There are practical negative implications to being a lone wolf.

One thing I find is that it's nigh impossible to operate in a normal society when you're pulled into yourself. You need to be engaging in nearly every job position that exist today--we are a social animal, therefore our needs will tend toward that trait. To be successful, it's not what you know, but who you know. So, when you don't know anyone, success isn't an option. 

There's many more problems with being the lonely number one, but I think lack of employment is a good example of not being able to operate in the world, especially under the current economic climate. The answer to this problem is usually, "You need to come out of your shell." This answer/advice is well received; it's really good advice. You come out of your shell, meet new people, go from a one to a many, and game over cause you just kicked shyness in the nuts. That would work, except I haven't even gotten to what else lurks behind the mask. 

I'm sitting in a classroom, palms sweating, heart thumping, just waiting until it's my turn to give my presentation. This is no big deal, stage fright. I'll do it, see that I blew the situation out of proportion in my head--it wasn't so bad after all-- and it'll get easier and easier as I continue to get in front of crowds and relive this epiphany. Yeah, I believe this, except my version of this scenario is a little more extreme in its subtlety. 

I walk into a grocery store and there are people everywhere because the grocery is a Walmart and I'm thinking of it as a grocery store right now because I'm going for items to restock my freezer (Hot pockets), cupboards (the Ramens), and fridge (juice: some off brand ish). People move here and there. Some coming for food like myself. Others came to get some Christmas shopping done, but nothing to serious because mommy wants to try to get Timbo that new video game during the Black Friday rush. I get my noodles, walk back to the freezer section and get the Pockets and on my way back up I decide to splurge on some Hi-C orange. I go to a cash register, pay for my stuff, and I walk out. 

The thing about my scenario is that the whole store trip is pulled off without a hitch. I'm able to get simple stuff done because I deflect just enough to do so. There's really no build up. I sometimes feel the first symptoms--sweaty palms, pounding heart--but far less than I use to because I've gotten good a diverting that nervous energy. This isn't a good thing; it's evasion. I only do what is necessary; what's within my comfort zone. I'm constantly in a bubble, not a shell. (Well, now I'm in a shell, but that's a different story). My social bubble is my protection. From what? I'm not sure...ridicule? Ridicule doesn't feel authentic, but let's go with that. I can "let my guard [completely] down" but the bubble persists--minimal contact, physical and eye; limited speech; minimal activity: get in and out of the store, don't stay any longer than necessary. At this point in my recap of the situation, my question mark gets so huge I don't know what to do with it. How do I fix a problem that masquerades as normalcy and is barely perceptible at its onset? We're back to the despair, the why-me-oh-my's that nobody, including me, likes to hear. I have no idea what to do to change it.  

Quiet isn't better, but definitely feels better, like many things bad for you.

[Update]: This is the article that got me blabbing about myself. So blame them for the me-centrism.

Sunday's Essay's:Our [New?] Digital World

Full Disclosure: My knowledge of tech is pretty good, if I do say so myself, but my expertise are far flung from Bill Gates and Steve Jobs. Come to think of it, I might not even be as adept as writers for sites like CNET and PCWorld, but I'm pretty good if you take my information with a (small) grain of salt.

* * *

I'm not sure how old this new digital age really is. The personal computer has been around since the seventies, gained prominence in the eighties, has been domestically common since the nineties, and has been becoming evermore pecuniarily convenient in the last decade ( Of course, there's also the tablet/smart phone revolution to consider, but I'm not considering that here since that explosion has for the most part only advanced convenience and price. More of a capitalistic one up, instead of a technological one). At least, that is the gist, in an extremely condensed form, of what I get from this computer timeline.

The internet/web/information superhighway/net/whichever, even more than computers, has been the sculptor of this digital age. It's the source of the Information Age. Though, the internet and computers experience a similar timeline, the internet, without respect to the smartphone/tablet revolution I mentioned above, has experienced a more exponential growth  then the basic computer in recent years. (Don't laptops seem kind of stale to you? I mean they're cheaper yeah, but with the advent of the tablet computer they've taken a hard back seat. They're boring, ordinary fixtures in our life. Don't you think?)

Some of the web's most significant changes have been bunched between 1999 and the present. I came to this conclusion looking at this internet time line.

Napster, Yahoo, Myspace, Youtube, Wikipedia, Google, the staples that form our internet DNA were created only recently, obviously, but they impacted the way we live so much in such a short time. (The timeline stops at 2008 before Twitter gained popularity and when Facebook was still becoming, so they're not included.)

All this is to emphasize the speed and largeness of the impact the web has had on us, which I'm sure most get, but sometimes it can stand repeating, a stop and smell the roses kind of thing.

In most respects it's a good thing that we've not only moved into the Information Age, but have become accustom to it. Nevertheless we've had to pay for undertaking innovation.

With Napster, a dated yet important story to where we are now, we stuck it to the man, but crippled (Killed?) the music industry.  Recession helped,of course, but according to these charts, the easy transfer of information probably didn't need much help.

And it has been spreading.

Instant information is a beautiful thing, but how high is the cost for this beauty?


[Update]: Looks like I was worried for nothing. Reuters: Publishers warm to e-books on their own. We might be learning...

[Update 2]: These graphs know what I'm talking about: The Future of Mobile [Slide Deck], Cocotas and Blodget. 

* [edit/Correction]: I'm not sure how adept at tech the cats a CNET and PCWorld are, so they may be better techies than both Jobs and Gates.

[Producer's cut/Director's cut 12/23/12:

More/something else on technology.]



We're not simply in the Information Age. If ages are characterized by how much of an impact the age has on society, than we may actually be in a derivative of the Information Age. The Social Media Age. Remember the revolution in Egypt earlier this year? Social media received the credit lighting that powder keg.

We Were Publishing

[Director's Cut 12/25/12:

Here's another link only post. I wasn't planning on making a post regarding the link in this case. The link was saved for future inspection. I like to keep up with tech news and publishing news, etc. In the last 3 or 4 years amazon, among others, have been providing both because of the exponentially rising popularity of the ebook and advent of the modern pocket computer/tablet computer. This is one of those stories. 

It's old news. Late last year, about Amazon Kindle lending library. Where Prime members are allowed to lend books that fall under Amazon's distributing jurisdiction. It's funny how so much has happened in the publishing/tech world since then. (e.g. The DOJ v. Big Six case, 7in tablet legitimacy (Nexus 7), Penguin/Random House merger *RandomPenguin*) ]


The Link:
What's Coming to Amazon's Lending Library? Take a Look | News & Opinion | PCMag.com

Where Da Christ At?

[Director's Cut 12/27/12:

In 2010 and 2011 I started listening tilted-eared to religious conversations that went on in forums. The fervor I started listening with sloughed off eventually--it's funny how that happens-- and I stopped visiting the forums so much. Evidently I still possess some curiosity on the subject of religion because I checked out the link below.

In the forums Christians, atheists, and others had many a debate about whether God existed or not and if they believed he did what form God exists in. Myself, I don't care much for debate and honestly don't feel the question matters much. But I am curious. I don't know why exactly--an ill-defined, unrealized hope inside me; maybe care for the mental fortitude of those around me; a whimsical and personal fascination with the subject. I don't know, but whatever it is it made me click on the link.

The story is about a European sect of Christianity that's trying to find a way to cope with the changing world and hold on the their Christian religion and as a result of this struggle their view of Christ and Christianity takes a metaphorical slant. They meet opposition or difficulty not only in the changing world, but (and obviously) from their traditionalist Christian brethren. ]






BBC News - Dutch rethink Christianity for a doubtful world

The Bluest Eyes For Real

[Director's Cut 12/24/12:

Last year, I saw this fascinating story about changing the eye color of brown-eyed people to blue. The original link was to ktla news, but it's now moved or dead or something. I believe the story basically stated that a doctor was advocating the procedure (was in Indian?) and that many people were in want of such a procedure. Something I found interesting, I believe I also read in the article that everyone's eyes are naturally blue and made brown through high melanin levels. 

Those are some of the things I remember from what I read. I actually didn't write anything about it I just linked to the article so there's nothing following this explanation except a new link to a similar story.]

Similar article:
Company working on turning brown eyes blue - UPI.com

Scheduling for the Shuffle

It's getting old, I know, but I have to do one more post on revamping the blog.

It's about scheduling. I guess the title gave that little surprise away.

I've been thinking--a dangerous pastime I've been told, but I tried it out anyway--

I've been thinking, and my conclusion is that I should give in to order on the Shuffle. I hate order (ask any of my cubbies from grades K through 2), but I need a schedule. The fat must be trimmed from the blog, and I'm humble enough to admit, there's a lot of fat here. It's mostly due to a lack of direction, or at least ill-defined direction. The original post doesn't exist anymore, but I believe I admitted to this "lack of direction" from the get, as well as, the go. Not matter the amount of discretion the fat still must go.

This blog post by Eric on PMN, before his hiatus (I'm still pretty sad about that; I hardly knew he before the blog went kaput. Crumbled cookie, I guess.) tells me so; rule 4.

My decision, and hope, is to publish at least one post a week until my muse tells me otherwise.

I'll call these posts Sunday's Essays. Slightly corny and familiar, but let's work with it anyway, shall we?

Some Youtube Videos Bum Me Out

[Director's Cut 12/23/12:

I wrote this last year and didn't post it. It's kind of a word vomit or if I want to feel more hip/literary, a Beats kind of thing--minus the poetry and spirit of that movement. It's me, thinking out loud. Enjoy.]




I hate YouTube videos that make people seem so regular... I know, let me explain before you put the question mark up.

 Some YouTube videos are celebrity shh, some are music and lyrics or covers (but even some of them send a chill up my spine), and other little projects people put up on the Tube. My problem comes in when people start looking, well, like I said regular. Like you're watching a home video or something. When you can smirk at something they did or say "aww that's so cute" it get's a little too real for me.These videos have heart to them, which is awesome, but they also add a vulnerability to the persons watched. They make me feel like, damn this cat could be dead now. Grim as hell, no?

I can't help it. I even check the channel to see when the last bit of activity was to assuage my fearful conscience (of course, they could be dying as I'm clicking the button to find out their latest posted video was indeed last month--*whew*--but don't tell my conscience I said that.).

It's a weird quirk I have. I'll be watching some random video--How to Grow an Apple Tree with Miss Daniels' , or Demetri's Little Dance-- and out of nowhere my imagination hits me with a slow-mo of  the video with a sexless emotion filled voice eulogizing them. "Oh, Miss Daniels loved her garden, especially the beautiful apple tree she planted right after her son passed away. She..." or "Detmetri was a good boy, a sweet boy. And he adored dancing. Wanted to be a dancer when he grew up. He just loved it."

The humanizing effect these videos sometimes have just creeps me out sometimes. They make the people look so fragile to me. I don't know why I do it, I guess, I'm just over-occupied with death,... or Youtube.

New Dawn, New Day

Melborne by timobalk
http://www.sxc.hu/photo/1290171

Okay, I know it's more evening than dawn, but I'm not always a crack-o-dawn type of person. I usually meet it on the back end, rather than with a face to face confrontation. But, it is a new day and a new month. Which means, at least for me, changes. Not big, and honestly none completely defined yet, but changes nonetheless.

It feels like every time I blog I do something that prompts me to tweak what I do. I think the overall goal for me is to achieve some kind of clarity. I don't know how it looks on your end, but it looks preeety bad from my neck of the woods. Of course, I'm my own worse critic, so that's understandable.

Don't get me wrong though; I'm proud of the incremental changes I've been making and I believe there has been increasing improvement.

Well, I said all that to let you know what's been going on with me since I dropped the ball on TOSS (Better luck next year, right? *Fingers Crossed*).

I haven't updated "Rock, Meet Hard Place" (Update: Post removed) since the stall. But hypocrite that I am, I did do a couple of other stories ("Then the Walls Came Tumbling Down" and "Melting Pot"), both on Yahoo's Associated Content.

I added another blog....

I know, okay. I was just complaining about spreading myself too thin, then I go and add a blog to my so-called full plate. I told you already--I'm a hypocrite.

Anyway, It's called Under Tutelage. No posts yet, but I'm expecting good things from this blog. My most studious one yet. But I'm not going to say much else about it until it's up and running. You'll see.

So, to tally it all up. I have the blog you currently on The Life Shuffle. This is like the hub blog: I come here to just yap, talk to my peeps, tell you about the books I'm reading and give you news about me--like the above stories, if nothing super exciting is happening.

Then there's The Pool (Titled: Wading in the Pool and also linked in the pages at the top of the Shuffle's own front)-- I write stories there, so far there's only two, but hopefully there's more to come.

Life's Mobile, Let's Go (Update: Name changed. It's called Tumult of a Quiet Soul now, and has a new url.)- this one's more outside news and random other stuff (issuesque things, advice, essayish stuff, idk). Still very frank and conversational.

 Under Tutelage, linked above.

What else...?

I Tweet more. Random sheet. What ever interests me. Follow me there. I do follow back when I think to  update everything I "own" on the net.

I guess that's it.

Oh, I found out Trick-or-Treaters don't visit your house when you live in the middle of nowhere and in a cul-de-sac. Even if you just bought four bags of candy, that's now going to wastefully rot or rot your teeth out. They don't know you got it. We got two. ToTs, I mean.

Next year we don't wait for them, we go after the Trick-or-Treaters. Be proactive...

Does that seem a weird thing to do to you too?